


You’ll feel better

by Northernlightz06



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, M/M, POV Remus Lupin, Post-Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Werewolves, marauders map
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:33:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29676348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Northernlightz06/pseuds/Northernlightz06
Summary: Prisoner of Azkaban from Remus’ POV!
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	You’ll feel better

**Author's Note:**

> Hi loves! I just realized I forgot to put content warning for this fic so here they are now!  
> CW for mentions of suicide, suicide attempt, and discussions of mental health and mental illness. The fic doesn’t center around it, but it is discussed in detail at one point. If you want to skip over it, the section starts with the sentence “I talked Draco Malfoy off the edge of the astronomy tower that night” and ends with “Just a chat and some tea, Severus. I’ll be going to bed now.”

I opened my eyes and Lily Evans Potter’s were staring right back at me. Except it wasn’t Lily. It was James. What the hell? I looked to James’ left and saw a terrified looking girl in a Gryffindor uniform with curly brown hair, and was that- Gideon Prewett sitting next to her? No, not quite Gideon, but someone who looked disturbingly like him. This must be some sort of weird dream or hallucination, why am I seeing so many people who are dead? And then I noticed what awoke me. A dementor. Working for the Order I had dealt with one or two in my lifetime but why in the hell was there one on the Hogwarts Express? Why was I on the Hogwarts Express with James-er-Lily and Gideon looking person? But all of a sudden the dementor was doing the kiss on James, and I instinctively grabbed out my wand and cast a patronus. Just a wisp, not my full wolf, but enough to ward it and its companions away from the train. I turned back, and James was on the floor, he was unconscious. I heard the curly haired girl yell “Harry!” and the memories all flooded back.  
I threw a glance at my bag, the words “Professor R. J. Lupin” written neatly across the front, a favor from a muggle friend when they found out I was going to be a teacher. Well, all my friends were muggle friends, really. I hadn’t talked to anyone from the wizarding world in years, mostly because it was just too painful. But Dumbledore the old hag got what he wanted when he made his mind up that he wanted it, and he wanted me to teach. There had been no point in arguing.  
I had known that James and Lily’s kid would be in 3rd year when I came, but nothing could have prepared me for seeing those kind, gentle and stunning green eyes again, especially not on a face that was no doubt James’. And the redheaded kid, probably one of Molly’s. I wondered if anyone had ever told him he looked like his uncle he would never get to meet.  
I was quickly pulled out of my thoughts by the unconscious 13 year old on the floor. I pulled the boy up onto the seat, and genuinely tried not to cry, because with his eyes closed, there was nothing there to tell me that I wasn’t a teenager again, and holding James. I laid him down on the seat while his friends threw me questioning looks. I checked his pulse, still strong, the attack had just knocked him out. It wasn’t surprising, considering the horrors the kid had seen in his lifetime. I waited for him to wake up for a few minutes, once he did I briefly explained what had happened to the 3 adolescents, (he was joined by a boy named Ron Weasley and a girl named Hermione Granger I learned) calmed their nerves, and gave a bit of chocolate to the boy. I knew it always made me feel better after a full moon, or a run in with Death Eaters.  
I stormed out of the compartment, not only to ask the conductor what the hell had happened, but also because I couldn’t be in that cramped compartment with all of those memories any longer.  
*  
I stormed into the castle in a rage, intending to shout at Dumbledore for letting these children be exposed to creatures as horrible as dementors, not only on the train, but outside of the school as well. Whenever I asked anyone about why the hell there were dementors crawling around the school, the only answer I got was “Extra security, you know how things are these days.”  
I did not know how things were those days. I hadn’t had any contact with other wizards and witches for years. Was there another war?  
Had Voldemort come back? Or were his followers following in his footsteps? Either way, dementors were meant for cold blooded murderers, not teenage witches and wizards. I immediately stomped to the headmasters office before, of all people, Professor McGonnagal put a gentle arm on my shoulder. I hadn’t seen her since I was 18. She looked a little older, but all the same, I felt like I was a terrified 11 year old again, and she was inviting me into her office for tea. She had been the first person at Hogwarts to show me real kindness, and she had been a kind and gentle yet firm constant in my life for 7 years of my adolescence.  
“Professor Lupin, good evening, it is wonderful to see you again. May I ask where you’re headed?”

“I wish to have a word with the headmaster regarding the new security measures at Hogwarts, and an incident from the train ride here.” I stated, barely able to control my anger, even though my emotions would always soften for this woman. 

“Why don’t you have some tea with me in my office, Remus?”  
I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to yell and shout at Dumbledore. But it didn’t matter what I wanted. Once McGonnagal invited you for tea, there was no getting out of the conversation she wanted to have with you. So I let myself be led into her office. It hadn’t changed in 15 years. She did the whole routine, poured my tea, asked if I wanted cream or sugar, offered me biscuits, but the whole time my leg was bouncing up and down with anxiety and fury.  
“Now I assume you would like to know about the dementors.” she said as she sipped her tea. I nodded. 

“Now it’s understandable to be surprised, considering you haven’t been in contact with the wizarding world in several years, though I had assumed Albus would update you ahead of time.”

“He did not. I’m really quite concerned, Professor.”

“You’re not my student anymore, Remus. You can call me Minerva.”

“Yes Professor.”  
She sighed, and settled in for a long explanation.  
“About 2 years ago, Harry Potter came into contact with a former Death Eater, who had been attempting to help resurrect Voldemort. He was unsuccessful, as an unfortunate encounter with the boy led to his death, however it raised concerns that others may be conspiring to attempt the feat as well. We were on close lookout even before now. However, this summer…” she paused, and sighed, taking off her glasses and pinching the bridge of her nose. She returned her glasses to her face, started speaking and the fragile and meager life I had built myself in the past 12 years seemed to come crashing down, decades old scars were ripped right back open. 

“Sirius Black had escaped from Azkaban.”  
*  
The welcome feast that night was spent trying to hide my puffy red eye from the students and other professors, being introduced to the school as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, trying to avoid small talk and Professor McGonnagal’s concerned glances, wondering how Molly Weasley had managed to have so many children, and staring at Harry wondering how in the hell he could look so much like James. I had only ever had once conversation with the boy, but by the way he hugged his friends close after not seeing them for the summer, laughed at all their jokes, listened intently to anyone who wanted to talk to him, clapped for everyone’s sorting, no matter the house, and made an effort to include the terrified first years in conversation, it was apparent that he acted just like Lily. How could one human be such a perfect mixture of two of the best people I had ever known? In that moment red hot anger and jealousy took me over. If only they had known I wasn’t the traitor. They should have believed me when I said I would never betray them. Maybe then I’d be his godfather. Maybe then he could have known me. At that moment I missed the days when Lily would hand him over and go “There’s your Uncle Moony, Harry! Say ‘hi Uncle Moony! I love you Uncle Moony!” more than anything. I would have given my left arm to be Uncle Moony again instead of Professor Lupin. Maybe if they had known I wasn’t the traitor they would have made me secret keeper instead of him. Maybe they would have been alive.  
I looked at Harry and wished he could have met his parents.  
*

I paced around my classroom incredibly nervous. The other 3rd year boggart classes had gone fine, but both Harry and Neville Longbottom were in this class, and considering their histories, I wasn’t sure if having their worst fears displayed to the class was the best idea. But I couldn’t skip over the lesson for the whole class, and I didn’t want to single them out. Of course, most of the wizarding world knew about Harry’s close encounters with the dark side, but Neville was a sweet, shy and quiet boy, he reminded me a bit of myself at that age, and I didn’t know if he would want his past exposed to the world. Plus, having any of the Death Eaters he had come in contact with in front of the class wouldn’t be the best idea. But I didn’t have much time to think it over, and before I knew it everyone was in class, and there was no going back.  
Normal things came first. Spiders, vampires, snakes. I was surprised to see Lucius Malfoy step out of the wardrobe when it came to Draco Malfoy’s turn. Sure, I could admit that man was scary, but surely not to his own son. My mind flashed to my own school years, watching Regulus and Sirius trying to reject their family ideals, trying not to get caught up in the war, but their parents had methods to force them, pureblood standards to uphold, and in the end, neither of them could push it away. I pushed the thoughts out of my mind as quickly as I could and watched him cast the charm.  
Then it was Neville’s turn. I was horrified for what would come out of the wardrobe when he stood in front of it, thinking over all the possible things that could go wrong when that door opened, but when it did, I was shocked and even more disgusted than I thought I would be when none other than Severus Snape stepped out. In the moment I laughed it aside and show him how to put Snape in his grandmother’s clothes but I thought about that day a lot for many years after. Of course most of the class did not know this, but Neville’s parents had been tortured for information on the Dark Lord by one of the most notorious Death Eaters ever known, and every week since he had been to St. Mungos, to talk to his parents that couldn’t respond. He should have seen Bellatrix, or Voldemort, or the mass murderer on the loose, or even his uncle who dropped him 10 feet as a child. But he saw his Potions professor. Of all his fears in the world, his potions professor had made him feel so small, and scared and inadequate that he was the boy’s greatest fear. I always hated Snivellus, but in that moment the pure rage that I felt towards him for making a child feel the same way he had made me feel when we were younger, was more overwhelming than it had ever been. But I pushed my rage aside and waited for the next person in line until it got to Harry. He stood in front of the wardrobe looking as scared as I felt about what would come out. When the doors opened, a dementor came out. It wasn’t surprising. Dementors were horrible creatures. They made you feel like you’d never feel happy again, and made you relive your worst memories. And considering the encounter he had endured quite recently, the memory was probably still fresh in his mind. I waited a couple of seconds, trying to see if he could face his worst fear, but when it was apparent that would not be able to, I stepped in front of him, not even thinking of the fact that I knew my own boggart was a full moon. In hindsight, it was a risky decision. Luckily none of the students seemed to have given it much thought, but I could have easily been outed right then and there. I cast my own charm and the balloon flitted across the room and back into the wardrobe where I locked it shut. The period wasn’t yet over, but I dismissed the class early, exhausted and on the verge of tears. I had known it would be a difficult class, but practically watching James in front of a dementor, unable to do anything about it was just about too much. Once the last student filed out of the classroom, I collapsed on my desk and let a choked sob escape my lips. 

*  
I talked Draco Malfoy off the edge of the astronomy tower that night. Nobody knows that except me, and him. If you were to ask either of us about it, we would deny it. But it happened.  
A full moon was coming up, and I was restless so I took a stroll around the school, my final destination being the astronomy classroom, to do some stargazing. I was just about to stroll up when I heard a muffled sob from the tower. I peered out silently to see a quite disheveled Draco Malfoy. I was surprised, he didn’t strike me as the type to be wandering around the castle after hours, and his normally perfect appearance was quite undone, his the top of this shirt was unbuttoned, his hair was as much a mess as Harry’s, he had no shoes on, and most importantly, he was about to jump off the astronomy tower.  
I took a deep breath. I could do this. I had done it before when Sirius…  
I had done it before, and I knew the best approach was a calm one, scaring him wouldn’t do any good. I kept my hand on my wand in my back pocket in case I needed to catch his body in midair, and padded out into the cool evening air. 

“Hello, Draco.”

“Go away.”

“I think I’d rather stay.”

His shoulders were shaking, and his legs dangled off the railing.

“Why don’t you come down, have tea in my office with me.”

“No.”

“Ok, how about you just step down from the railing?”

“Why do you care? I’m a blood purist, I come from a line of goddamn death eaters, Sirius Black is my cousin for Merlin’s sake. Just let me die, your perfect little world will be better without me.”

“That may all be true, Draco, but imagine all the paperwork I’d have to do if a student died on my watch.”

He finally turned around to face me. His face was tired and tear stained, his tie was nowhere in sight and his eyes. They were bloodshot, and angry, and tearful and grey and in that moment all I saw was a teenage Sirius Black, trying to get away from the stains his family had left on him, running from the standards placed upon him, losing everyone he had ever known. I looked into those grey eyes, and saw what I had only seen once before. The look of a person who just cannot go on anymore. I couldn’t let another child turn out like he had. The boy was half Black, and if I couldn’t save Sirius, I could damn well try to save Draco. 

“You don’t have to do what your father tells you. You’re capable of making your own decisions, Draco. If blindly following him is going to make you miserable, you can always find a way out. You’re only 13. You’ve got your whole life to figure this out. You can have control over some of this. This isn’t the answer.”

“I don’t want you here.”

“I can send for your godfather if you’d rather talk to him.”

“No! He only makes things worse.”

“Can’t say I disagree with you there.”

“I can’t-“

His voice broke, and he looked at me in desperation.

“How about I write your mother, I happen to be friends with your aunt, and she was just telling me about how she would love to get to spend some time with you. If I recall correctly, your parents will be throwing a Christmas party this year, and I’m sure they would love some time to prepare alone. I have a feeling that she will have no problem taking you for the winter holidays, if you’d like that”

“Mum doesn’t talk to her sister.”

“I have ways of getting people to talk to each other when they need to, Draco.”

“You really think I could?”

“I’m sure of it.”

He sniffled and paused for a second, before taking my outstretched hand and climbing back onto solid ground. 

“Let’s get you back to your dormitory, shall we?”

I put a gentle hand in his shoulder, and we walked in silence as I guided him to the dungeons. We stopped outside the door to the Slytherin commonroom and I turned to face him. He wiped his face, and looked up at me quickly before returning his gaze to the floor. I took his hand and placed a piece of chocolate in it, then turned away. He muttered the password to the door and was halfway through when he called back to me.

“Professor Lupin?”

“Yes, Mr. Malfoy?”

“Thank you.”

I strode away, and as I passed the door to Snape’s office, the git came walking out.

“May I ask what you were doing with my godson at such an hour, Professor Lupin?”

“Just a chat and some tea, Severus. I’ll be going to bed now.”

*

Harry and I stood on the long bridge leading to the castle, watching our breath in the cold winter air. It was the first one on one conversation we’d had, which was absolutely soul crushing. Our conversation started with an explanation of the whole dementor situation, as was expected, but veered off into discussion about his parents. I told him he had his mother’s eyes, something I’m sure he had been told so many times before. But then...  
“Your mother was there for me at a time when no one else was.” The words slipped out of my mouth without thinking. It wasn’t as if it was untrue. During the spring of 5th year, when I was too angry at everyone, at the world, and most of all at the boy I thought I loved, Lily was the only one who had hugged me close and told me “it’s going to be okay.” She was the only one who told me it was alright to be angry. She was the one who cut her childhood friend off because of how he was trying to ruin my name. She was the one who got just as angry at Sirius as I did, who told him off right then and there when I was too shocked to say anything.  
Near the end of the war, when everyone would shoot me suspicious glances, when members of the Order started to doubt me, when people said “the werewolf has to be the traitor,” when even my best friends didn’t trust me, she had wiped my tears and told me “Remus John Lupin, you are not a traitor. You are our friend. Sorry, but I’m afraid you’re stuck with us.” Those words had echoed through my head for years. 

I missed Lily. 

*

“Sirius Black has entered Hogwarts grounds.”

I felt like throwing up. He had entered Hogwarts, destroyed the portrait to Gryffindor Tower and it was now quite likely that he was inside the castle. I hadn’t noticed that I had just been staring into space for what must have been minutes. 

“Professor Lupin, we need your assistance searching the castle.” A voice broke me out of my trance. 

“Yes, of course.” 

“You’re especially crucial to our search, as he may come looking for you.” 

I nodded, still convinced this was all an especially horrible nightmare.  
I started to search.

It was around midnight when most of the teachers gave up and went to bed. But I kept looking for hours. Using my inhuman sense of smell to try to find anything, the dirt and grime of being locked up for 12 years, the way he used to smell, the scent of dog fur, I looked for anything and everything until about 5 am. I sighed and walked towards the great hall where the students were sleeping. I kneeled down next to Harry. I watched him. I watched his chest rise and fall in his sleep, making sure that he always took the next breath in. I listened to his heart beat in his chest and his blood rush through his veins.  
When the first rays of sunlight shone through the windows, I stood up and left, satisfied that he would be okay under the safety net of daylight. 

*  
I slipped my clothes back on and lay on the floor of the Shrieking Shack waiting for Poppy to come back. The transformations had been quite painful since the wolf couldn’t see its friends anymore, and with the recent discovery of Wolfsbane potion, since I had arrived at Hogwarts I no longer awoke with gashes and bruises, but having a human mind inside of an animal body was uncomfortable and painful in itself.  
She arrived and helped me back to the castle. I begged her to let me go back to work that day, I didn’t want Snape teaching my class, he was sure to make it boring, go off curriculum and just mess up the whole flow of the course. But, she insisted on giving me a sleeping draught and having me stay overnight in the hospital wing, just like she had when I was a boy.  
I learned later on that Snape had skipped ahead dozens of chapters to have a class on werewolves that day. The idiot.  
*  
I stood in the quidditch stands watching the game. I had a warming charm over myself and was wearing my red and gold scarf for a bit of Gryffindor pride, but the players seemed awfully cold out on the pitch. But the game went on, and was actually quite interesting until I saw Harry’s attention switch, and he shot up in the air. He had seen the snitch. I felt a smile cross my face. From what I had heard, once Harry Potter had caught sight of the snitch, the game was pretty much already over. He shot out into the clouds and most people had lost sight of him by now but I still had my eyes glued to his figure in the distance. But then there was another figure next to him, something dark, and wispy, then another, and another. Dementors. I tried to run to Dumbledore, but I was too late. He was falling through the air unconscious, his broom nowhere to be seen. I tried to throw out a binding spell, but he had already hit the ground with a disturbing thud. My hand was over my mouth and I ran out of the stands.  
Frantically trying to weed through the crowd, about 15 minutes later I walked to the hospital wing to see Madam Pomfrey slamming the door on Dumbledore and shouting at him about disturbing her patients, and the Headmaster looked more furious than I had ever seen him, practically fuming as I ducked behind a pillar to make out a bit of their conversation.

“They were forbidden from being in close proximity to students. Harry shouldn’t have even been able to glance at a dementor, let alone be pinned by a group of them.”

“Poppy said he would be fine in a day or so, Albus. I’m sure the ministry will sort things out once you owl them.” 

“They’re lucky those things didn’t kill the savior of the wizarding world, they had better sort things out.”

“I told you it wasn’t a good idea to have them here.”

“Well it isn’t a better idea to have Sirius Black break into Hogwarts.”I flinched at the name.

“He already has. Those things haven’t exactly done a spectacular job at keeping the man away.”

I finally walked out and stepped up to them, pretending I hadn’t been listening to their whispered conversation.

“Oh, Professor Lupin, how lovely to see you. Minerva, perhaps we should discuss this further in my office.” With that they walked away. 

I stepped in front of the doorway to peer into the hospital wing. Immediately Madam Pomfrey caught my eye and her expression softened.  
She walked over, opened the door and welcomed me in a quick hug.

“Oh, Remus. We haven’t spoken properly in ages, you really must come for tea sometime.”

I nodded. Over my years at Hogwarts my relationship with the mediwitch had become like nothing I’d had with anyone at school. With such frequency in my visits, she had learned to care for me, taught me to care for myself, learned my likes and dislikes, and dealt with me when I was a grumpy git, because she knew I was in pain.  
She had seen me at my worst like no one else had.  
No one except…

“You may visit Mr. Potter, but I’m afraid he won’t be awake for several hours, and do make it brief.”

“Thank you, Poppy.” 

She smiled and walked back into her office. 

I walked towards his bed, drew the curtains and threw a silencing spell up, not because I was planning on doing something wrong, this just felt private. I sat down next to his bed and laid my gaze on him. His face was scratched up, and he was out cold, but his chest rose and fell, his heart beat behind his ribs, and his bones were mending themselves together. I loved him so much. I loved him in a way he would never understand. He couldn’t understand. I don’t even understand sometimes. October 31st 1981 was the worst day of my life, and it still felt like a punch in the gut to think about, but I could never justify why I had abandoned this kid that I adored so much. I should have been there. I should have stayed Uncle Moony. Even if I couldn’t be a huge part of his life, he could have known he had somebody who loved him. I was so angry at myself, that he hadn’t met me until he was thirteen. Because I loved him in a way he could never love me. I was his professor, who just happened to have known his dead parents. And because I knew that sort of affection wasn’t appropriate when he was awake, I kissed his forehead, and thanked Merlin he was alive. I pulled some chocolate and a spare piece of parchment out of my robes, and scrawled down a note. I dropped that candy and the paper on his bedside table, written on it 

“Eat, you’ll feel better. ;)”

*  
I was walking through the castle again one night when I heard the low growl of Snape’s voice. I wasn’t sure who he could be talking to at this time of night, so I paused and strained my ears to make out the words. When I heard someone reply, I was surprised not only by the voice who was speaking, but by the words they were saying. 

“Messers Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs offer their-“

I didn’t listen to hear what else he said. I was too busy trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Why Harry and Snape were talking at this time of night, and how in Merlin’s name he had the Marauders Map. I hadn’t seen the thing since I was eighteen. But I was snapped out of my thoughts by the threatening voice of Professor Snape, and I walked in to save Harry from the wrath of his potions professor.  
Snape was outraged. He knew I would cover for Harry and he could do nothing about it. I had stolen his chance to torture the boy. Well, that was really not a bad thing. As I snatched the map up and brought Harry into my classroom, my hands were shaking uncontrollably. Where had the map been all these years? Why did Harry have it? How did Harry have it? What was he doing with it? What would happen if the wrong person got their hands on it?  
When we were in my office alone I couldn’t stop myself from scolding the boy. This boy I loved so much had been running around with this for Merlin knows how long, without telling anyone when it is practically a map to show Sirius exactly where he is, the words came out and I was yelling more harshly than I intended to, but this back in the hands of Sirius Black was a terrifying thought, and he had been putting himself in danger by roaming around the castle at night at all, let alone with the map in his hands. I sighed and dismissed him, reminding him that I would know if he didn’t go straight back to bed. I was planning to collapse at my desk and cry, but Harry turned around and said the thing that would keep me up for days afterwards.  
With a dumbfounded look, I told him “That’s not possible,” and let him go.  
*  
What in Salazar’s name? The second that Harry had left I flipped the map open and sure enough, down the corridor, was the name “Peter Pettigrew.” Peter Pettigrew was dead. For 12 years. There were way too many wards on the map for someone to put a charm on it to say the wrong information. So how was a dead man showing up on the map? Did ghosts show up on the map? Corpses? I doubted it, that wasn’t something we built in and I had never seen a ghost on the map before. Suddenly I saw that the name on the map was quickly moving towards- Harry? I ran out of the classroom and bounded towards the boy, because whatever was going on with the map, it wasn’t normal, and I didn’t want Harry around it. Just as I was catching up to the boy, who was almost at Gryffindor tower, I looked towards his illuminated wand. There was nothing and no one around him. He walked into his commonroom safely. Really, what the hell was going on? And then, the name started coming towards me. I pointed my lit wand up but there was nobody there, I heard a scratching and flung the light towards it and then. There it was.  
In the corner of my vision. A rat.  
Oh shit.  
*  
Oh no, oh no oh no. What was going on? Peter was alive? How was Peter alive? I mean, that part was the easiest, he must have slipped into animagus form when people thought he died. But why hadn’t he come out? Why had he stayed in hiding for 12 years? He could have told me that Sirius’ curse missed him because he transformed. And what about his finger? They found his finger, what happened to his finger?  
Ron Weasley’s rat. It was missing a front toe. And it was unusually old. Peter had been living with the Weasleys for 12 years? But why? Why would he do that? He had nothing to run from, he had nothing to hide. He could have come to me. It might have saved me so much pain to know I still had a friend who was alive. Why hadn’t he told me? Unless… no, best to not even entertain that thought. I had spent far too much time trying to convince myself he was innocent, it had only succeeded in driving me mad. But why then? I wandered back to bed and watched the map for awhile. Peter seemed to wander over to Hagrid’s hut and settle down there. It was quite late at night by now, and I knew I wouldn’t get to sleep on my own, so I downed a spare sleeping draught I had lying around and fell into bed.  
*  
Why had I agreed to help a 13 year old cast a patronus charm? Harry was a great student, sure, but he was an adolescent. Most adults I knew weren’t very good at patronus’. But he was, after all seemingly like candy to the dementors around Hogwarts, and it was really best for all involved if he wasn’t attacked. I didn’t know if such a young boy could produce such a powerful spell with the horrible past he had endured, but if he was anything like his parents, he would be able to see the light in the darkness. Meeting an actual dementor on his first try would definitely be far too much, so a boggart would have to do for now. He didn’t succeed on his first try, that was expected. But shockingly, he was able to produce a wisp patronus on his second try. It was really quite astounding, I didn’t know many adult wizards who could learn the charm so quickly, much less a 3rd year Hogwarts student. Even the theory of the Patronus charm was NEWT level material. But even a boggart was draining for the poor boy, which wasn’t unexpected, the things he had seen were definitely not pleasant to relive, so I dismissed him. Wow. I suppose I couldn’t have expected less from Lily and James’ child, but he was really one of the most powerful young wizards I had ever come across. Most wizards had one strong trait that made their magic unique, usually their intelligence, such as Hermione, their intuition such as young Luna Lovegood, or their intentions, like Ron. But Harry had managed to master all 3, and that is when your magic becomes truly powerful. James had had that. Lily too. I had thought that…he had.  
Harry was the perfect product of those two wonderful people. He looked physically identical to James, minus the eyes, but he had Lily’s smile, he held himself like she did, and he was every bit as kind as she was, with James’ reckless streak and sense of fun. I didn’t want to whittle him down to how he was like them, he was his own person, and a wonderful person at that, but when I looked at him I would always be reminded of the people he came from.  
*  
I was taking a walk through the grounds trying to blow off some energy before the full moon. Snape had been “too busy” to brew a Wolfsbane potion this month, so I knew I would wake up in the morning quite beat up, and was enjoying walking without much pain for probably the last time in several days when I saw him. I would recognize that dog anywhere. His fur was matted and cakes in mud, and his eyes had a wild glint in them I had never seen before, but it was undoubtedly Sirius Black. I stared at him. He stared back. Out of the corner of my vision I could see Harry and his friends headed for Hagrid’s hut. I had to get him away from them. Even if it meant being alone with him. I kept my eyes on him, and nodded my head towards the Whomping Willow, gesturing him to go in. He did, and I followed. We walked all the way to the shack in complete silence, I needed to get him far away enough from Harry. Once we were inside, I drew my wand and held it there, ready to throw any curse I had to.

“Well, Sirius?”

He transformed back. He was in a ripped and grimy prison uniform, covered in tattoos, his hair was matted and his face was tired and oh, so much older.

“Remus I-“

“I have my wand, Sirius, you are unarmed. I should warn you that I have the upper hand here before you do anything you regret.”

I stared at him a couple of seconds longer before he replied.

“I can explain.”

“Really, this seems like a tough situation to worm your way out of, Black.”

“I’m sorry, Moony.” He spoke feebly.

“Don’t call me that.”

“I didn’t do it.”

“Of course you did. There is hard, indisputable evidence that you did.”

“I wasn’t secret keeper.”

“Yes you were, you told me yourself.”

“I know, Moony. I lied. I was going to be secret keeper, I was, but we changed it at the last minute.”

“Why would you do that? And second of all why wouldn’t you have told me?”

“Remus, we-“

“Thought I was the traitor. Everyone thought I was the traitor. I know that Sirius, you and James said it plenty of times. They didn’t trust me, but I told myself it was fine, because they had you. They had someone to trust. They made you secret keeper, they made you his godfather, and you killed them.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Sirius, please. Just stop. Just let me get Dumbledore and you can get taken back without getting hurt.”

“We switched it to Peter at the last minute.”

“...what?”

“We thought Voldemort would be less likely to go after Peter, that he’d be the less obvious choice. So I convinced them to change at the last minute. But it turns out he was already a Death Eater by then. He told him where they were. We didn’t tell anyone, we thought that would be safest.”

“Sirius, even if this incredibly far fetched story could be true, everyone saw you kill Peter are all those muggles.”

“I didn’t do it, Peter did. I admit, I was going after him as soon as I found out. I was planning to kill him, and that was a reckless decision, and a bad one too. But when I got there he started screaming that I had killed them, then he threw the curse, made it look like I had, slipped away as a rat and cut his own finger off to convince people he had died. I don’t know where he is now but he didn’t die that day. Please, Remus. You have to believe me.”

I paused, stared, and lowered my wand. It all clicked into place. Peter on the Marauders Map, living as a rat for the past 12 years, Ron’s pet with a missing finger, faking his death and living as a pet to hide because he had killed them. Peter had killed the Potters. Peter had killed them, ran away and framed the love of my life. Peter had let me lose everything I loved, and sent Sirius to the hell hole for 12 years. Peter had left Harry an orphan, but intended to leave him dead.

I muttered out only two words.

“That bastard.”  
*  
For a long time we just stood there holding each other muttering out “I’m so sorry” and “I shouldn’t have left you” and “I love you so much” and “I’m here now” and “don’t ever leave again” over and over. That was until I remembered.

“Oh, fuck.” I pulled away.

“What? what is it?”

“Peter’s here.”

“What?!”

“Um, uh- Harry’s friend’s rat. He’s uh, he’s missing a toe, the one that he cut off, and Peter’s been showing up on the map around Hogwarts, his pet rat is Peter. He’s been right there with Harry the whole time.”

“Oh Merlin.”

“Just- stay here. I’ll go after them, I’ll be back.”

I ran back through the tunnel to try to find them. I sprinted back past the Whomping Willow and to Hagrid’s hut but I didn’t see them there. I pulled out the map, and what I saw was horrifying. Peter ran towards the willow, Harry and his friends followed him. Suddenly Sirius was coming out of the tree and dragging Ron and Peter inside. He was taking Ron to the shack. Hermione and Harry were being thrown around by the tree and eventually tossed inside. They were all in the shack. I ran to the tree to get to them.

When I got there Harry had Sirius on the floor. I should have expected that I suppose, after all Harry still knew him as a murderer. I suppose it would have been helpful to explain the situation to them as soon as I got there, looking back now I see how it looked quite threatening. My heart lit up when Harry disarmed Snape to hear the real story. Everything was finally coming into place. 

We finally transformed Peter back, and we were about to finally succeed when Harry called us to stop. Told us his father wouldn’t have wanted us to become killers. But I don’t think either of us were listening to his words. His father would have gladly killed the man who betrayed him, but I looked into his eyes, and all I saw was Lily. Her never ending kindness, sense of justice. Harry’s father may not have minded that we killed Pettigrew, but Lily would have. So we didn’t. We took him back towards the castle.

It was all working out. He was free. He was innocent. We could all be together again, the way we always should have been. I was indescribably happy. But then, like all things in my life, it went wrong. I had been so wrapped up in the drama of the evening that it had completely slipped my mind. It was a full moon. It started to rise, and I had no way of getting back to the shack. The transformation had already started. I didn’t have Wolfsbane this month. Oh shit. I was absolutely terrified. I was putting everyone in danger. But I had nothing to do, my bones were cracking, moving, shifting into place, and the wolf took over.  
*  
When I woke in the morning, the first thing I noticed was blinding pain. It had been the worst night I’d had in a long time. The second thing I noticed was that I was laying on the forest floor. It was cool and damp and soothing. The third thing I noticed was that Sirius was kneeling beside me.  
I looked up at him and a wave of terror flowed through me. What happened last night? I wasn’t locked up, did I hurt someone? He seemed to know exactly what I was thinking and spoke.

“Everyone’s fine. It’s a long story, I’ll tell you soon. I’m going to make sure Madam Pomfrey knows where you are. Just rest, Moony.”

“Pads..”

“It’s all going to be alright. I love you.”

He kissed me once, softly on the lips for the first time in 12 years. He dropped a piece of chocolate in my hand, then transformed, and bounded away.


End file.
